


Time Heals Wounds but Other Things Sure Help

by mocha_sun



Series: There's a Bouquet of Flowers for This [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bro it's been two years and you're only showing up now? cringe, Depression, Domestic, Fluff, Found Family, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), He/Themrey, He/They for Bubby, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Nightmares, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), Not A Game AU, Now it's Benrey's turn!, Other, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, The science team has recovered from the shitstorm that was ResCas, Tommy can say :) out loud if he wants, Trans Gordon Freeman, the inherent homoeroticism of playing smash with your rival/friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mocha_sun/pseuds/mocha_sun
Summary: It's been roughly two years since the Resonance Cascade incident. The Science Team has settled down some, taking the time to heal from the trauma caused by those couple of weeks, and found some easy jobs to keep themselves going. All in all, it's been a good two years. They've even bonded some more, the team's spent lots of time together, going on various trips, spending thousands of bucks of government hush money, robbing a bank every few months, y'know, the basics of a close group of friends. All is well and good!.And then Benrey shows up at Gordon's house, not looking all too good.Wonder what'll happen?
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Gordon Freeman & Joshua Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold, Tommy Coolatta/Darnold/Forzen (maybe)
Series: There's a Bouquet of Flowers for This [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140740
Comments: 32
Kudos: 183





	1. Blueberry Pancakes on a Late Summer Morning

**Author's Note:**

> March 10th: Remember what I said about less convoluted and less effort put into it, hahahahgdgshdhusdhdkdbdhsmhgghhhhh oops yeah no 
> 
> This fanfiction is meant to focus on Benrey's experience with healing from PTSD since so many focus on Gordon, and I've got some good ideas and concepts. Also I love Benrey. Comfort characters go brr nothing can stop me <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter is just fluff and intro! Hopefully they're not too OOC. The chapters will disjunctly jump between angst and fluff, so I'll definitely put warnings for each one. I hope you guys enjoy, I haven't written any official fanfics in some time, so let's see where this goes, yeah? <3

Gordon Freeman stood in his sunny kitchen, flipping blueberry pancakes. It was 7:54 in the morning, a breeze was pushing the curtains of his kitchen window around slightly, bringing the smell of late summer air in, and everything was good. 

Joshua, now nearing six years old, bounded down the stairs, hurling himself at his dad’s legs in excitement. Gordon let out a short laugh and reached down to tousle his son’s hair. “Hey there kiddo, all ready and raring to go, huh? Did you sleep well?” He grinned down at the small boy, whose smile was nearly blinding in nature. “Yeah! I did I did! Pancakes?” Joshua bounced on the balls of his feet, practically vibrating with energy and anticipation for the day ahead. After all, today was his first day of first grade, and that meant new everything, which seemed like a great concept. 

Gordon nodded, turning back to the stove before any of the remaining pancakes could burn. “Yep! Go put your bag down by your shoes and wash your hands, okay Joshie? They’ll be ready in no time.” He flipped a few of the pancakes and moved a couple more over to the growing pile on the nearby plate. Joshua nodded and darted off towards the front door and mudroom, then darting back past the kitchen towards the bathroom, his backpack no longer hanging haphazardly off one shoulder. 

Suppressing an amused snort, Gordon shook his head and slid the last pancakes onto the plate and switched off the burner. He set the spatula down on the empty pan, then grabbed two normal plates, two forks and a butter knife, and a bottle of maple syrup, and shuffled out of the kitchen over to the dinner table, quickly setting the table and going back for the pancake mountain and drinks. 

As he made his way back, Joshua padded back into the room and jumped up into his chair, grinning proudly at his achievement. Gordon smiled back. “Alright Cowboy, what do you want to drink? Milk, juice?” He set down a plastic cup beside his plate, setting down a mug of coffee by his own.

Joshua’s grin shifted into a slightly mischievous one, and he excitedly tapped his hands rapidly on the edge of the table. “Can I have chocolate milk? Since it’s the first day of school? Please, Daddy?” He rocked slightly left and right in his seat, brimming with energy. Gordon pretended to consider for a moment, then smiled a bit wider and nodded, setting the plate of pancakes down in the center of the table and walking back to the fridge. “Sure can, Cowboy, thank you for asking so nicely.” Pulling the requested milk off of a shelf on the fridge, Gordon glanced at the clock hanging in the kitchen above the stove and did some quick math. “Alright, Joshua, we have fifteen minutes before we gotta head out, so don’t rush, but don’t drag your feet, ‘kay?” he reminded, pouring the chocolate milk in Joshua’s cup, then returning it to its spot in the fridge. As he made his way back to the table, preparing to dole out servings of the pancakes, he pondered for a second, then asked, “Whatcha most excited for today?”

* * *

Later that morning, having dropped Joshua off at school with a wave and a sign of “I love you” and made it home with minimal issues (morning traffic tended to be annoyingly slow even in suburbs, it seems), Gordon parked his car in the garage of his home, resting his head on the back of the driver’s seat for a second, then got out and made his way inside. This week was one of the weeks he got to work from home, and damn if he wasn’t going to take advantage of that. 

Dropping his keys and phone on the table by the door, Gordon headed up to his bedroom, pulling off his hoodie as he went, and quickly changed into a pair of scuffed, roughly patched cuffed jeans, high-cut socks, and an old, slightly oversized, Linkin Park t-shirt, tucking it into his jeans. Glancing outside at the weather, he pulled his hair into a high ponytail and pulled a cap over it, not wanting to risk getting sunburnt. Having prepared adequately in his eyes, he pulled on some old sneakers and shoved his phone in a back pocket, then headed out the back door, towards the gardening shed by the side of his home. Gordon poked his head in, flipping on the single flickering light, and grabbed a pair of gardening gloves, a trowel, a hand rake, and a plastic bucket. Switching the light back off, he continued his path to the front corner of his house and knelt by one of the many garden patches surrounding the house, and with a contented smile, began to pull weeds from the garden beds.

An hour or so passed before he knew it, and when he got up to go grab a water bottle, he confirmed it was, in fact, already a little past 10 am. As he made a lap around the house to check on the rest of the beds, he thought he saw someone lurking by the corner of the street, nervously glancing around and fiddling with their hands. Not seeing any importance in it, however, Gordon simply shrugged and headed back to the patch he had been working on clearing, hoping to finish up in a few minutes and move to the next. 

He did as intended and after another fifteen minutes, he had made a sizeable dent in the weeds speckling the second garden bed he had moved on to. Taking a second to breathe, Gordon shifted a bit and lifted himself into a crouch, then plopped back into a cross-legged sitting position, taking a sip from his now half-full water bottle. As he leaned back, squinting at the bright morning sky, he noticed out of his peripheral vision that the anxious figure had disappeared from the corner of the street. Shrugging, Gordon assumed that they had found what or who they needed and had left. Pushing off of the grass behind him, he sat back up into his previous position kneeling over the half-cleaned garden patch and was about to get back to work, when his phone buzzed with a text notification. 

[1 new unread message]

 **_Tommy:_ ** _Hi Mr. Gordon! How are you this morning? :)_

Not getting the chance to even reply, his phone vibrated again a couple of times, then went still, displaying the continued messages from Tommy. 

[5 new unread messages]

 **_Tommy:_ ** _I hope you slept well and got Joshua to school fine! It’s a lovely day today :)_

 **_Tommy:_ ** _I wanted to give you a warning of sorts? it’s nothing bad, i promise!!!_

 **_Tommy:_ ** _But uh_

 **_Tommy:_ ** _you might have a visitor a bit later? I want it to be a surprise but i know how you can be with unexpected people sometimes. You know them tho!! :D tell me what they say, dad barley told me anything besides that someone is coming to see u today._

 **_Tommy:_ ** _*barely_

Gordon stared at his phone for a minute, considering. _A visitor?? Why would he be getting a visitor out of the blue that only Mr. Coolatta knew about?? Tommy’s dad, cryptic as always, it seems._ He shook his head, dismissing the growing spiral of curiosity. He quickly pulled off his gloves and shot Tommy a few texts back, then slipped his phone back in his pocket and reached for his rake after re-gloving his hands. 

**_Me:_ ** _thank you Tommy! I’m doing fine today, Joshua was very excited for his first day of school. Thanks for the heads up i guess, rather on brand for your dad to be oddly cryptic._

 **_Me:_ ** _ill definitely tell you who it was though. Do you want to come over for lunch after I pick Joshua back up from school?_

 **_Me:_ ** _Going back to weeding now, ttyl_

As Gordon leaned forward to pick his hand rake back up and continue weeding, he noticed someone fluidly walking up to his front door out of the corner of his eye, and a moment later heard the doorbell ring quietly. He sighed, putting the rake back down and crouching to stand back up. “Speak of the devil, I guess.” He got up and turned to head to the front of his house, pulling his gloves back off and shoving them in a belt loop without much care. After all, he was already in his work clothes, no need to hide it. Whoever the guest was would have to deal. 

As he rounded the taller garden patches in front of his house and made his way to the semi-porch leading up to the front door, he recognized the person who was standing on the street corner earlier. Then, as he neared the steps and got a better look at the person, he recognized more than just that.

“Benrey??”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am definitely projecting my love for blueberry pancakes onto anything I make.


	2. Hot Coffee and Empty Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems that conversations are more difficult when one person is awkward and bi and the other has pretty bad trauma and mental health issues.
> 
> Tldr; Gordon invites Benrey in for coffee and comes to the conclusion that something is off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> read and weep :)  
> literally, I almost cried writing this second chapter haha whoops :/  
> uh tw Benrey drinks black coffee smh /j

“Benrey??”

He spun around in surprise, jolting slightly at the unexpected greeting. 

…

“...Hey. Fee- Freeman.”

The two stood there staring at each other for a solid minute, the silence heavy with surprise and awkward tension. 

… 

… 

… 

Gordon briskly shook his head, snapping himself out of the unofficial staring contest. “What’s up, man? I gotta say, your timing’s impeccable, Tommy _just_ texted me that I might get a visitor today.” He reached up to awkwardly tug one of the loose strands of hair that had escaped from his ponytail. “You good?” Benrey continued staring at him for a couple more seconds, then blinked and muttered “Huh..? Oh yeah I’m fine bro what’s up Feetman what a coincidence to meet you here huh what’s up?” in his signature monotone voice, though Gordon got the feeling that is was even more empty-sounding and remarkably exhausted. Tucking the observation away for later questioning, he sighed and went up the steps to the front door, standing at Benrey’s side. “Not much from my end, was workin’ outside and heard you.” He reached around the smaller figure to grab and turn the handle of the door, pushing it in and motioning to his guest. “Come in?”

Benrey stood for a moment, staring down, and Gordon realized they were fixated on his prosthetic hand. Not quite knowing what to do with the situation, he nudged them lightly with his shoulder, drawing their eyes up to his face. “Do.. do you want breakfast or something, dude?” 

Once again, Benrey stalled for a second, processing the words, then shook their head, but gingerly stepped forward through the door. “Uh.. nice.. place?” Glancing at the mat and shoe-rack to their right, they slowly kicked off their crocs and silently pushed them against the wall neatly. Gordon followed them in, and snorted lightly at the clumsy compliment, shaking his head. “Thanks? Here, the kitchen is forward down the hall.” The door clicked shut, and having kicked his own shoes off, he led them down into the family room, trying to think of a conversation starter.

“So, what brings you here, Benrey? Haven’t seen you in a couple of years, how are you?” Benrey glanced up at the mention of two years, slightly startled. “Oh, uh. Wanted. To say hi? Check- check in. Um… see if you got your passport this.. Time.” He fidgeted around nervously, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. They then jolted in surprise once again, this time shocked by Gordon’s sudden burst of laughter brought on by the mention of the passport bit. Benrey warily glanced around, not sure what to do, having expected a scoff or some other form of annoyed dismissal. Clearing their throat, they looked around for something to deflect to. “Oh yo bro you got.. Um.. got plants now? Mmh,,,, pog..?” Gordon chuckled again and nodded. “I’ve gotten into gardening the past year. It’s a nice thing to spend time on, especially since none of us really _need_ jobs anymore.” A few yellow and purple sweet voice orbs floated out of Benrey’s mouth, open in a slightly bewildered expression. “..huh.” 

The taller man reached up and pulled his cap off, tossing it in the vague direction of his couch, then making his way to the kitchen. “Sooo.. coffee? Have you eaten breakfast yet?” As he spoke, Gordon reached up into a cabinet, pulling out a bag of coffee grounds, and set to making a pot of coffee. He glanced back at Benrey, who shook his head slightly. “Don’t need to.” At this remark, Gordon frowned slightly, looking a tiny bit concerned. “Dude, breakfast is important, what do you mean you don’t need it? Go sit down, I’ll make you a bagel. Jeez, Ben, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, are you for real?”

Benrey rolled their eyes and huffed at the comment. “Fine, Gordon _Dadman._ ” and with that on-brand, stunningly witty retort, they pulled a chair back from the dining table and sat down, slouching down against the table. “M’not human, though, ‘member?” They muttered after a minute, but looked up as Gordon came over and set a toasted bagel and a mug of coffee in front of their slumped over form. Gordon hummed and replied with a “Yeah, yeah, doesn’t change the need to eat healthily.”. He looked down at the sugar and creamer he’d also set down on the table. “I dunno how you like your coffee. So, help yourself?” With that, he slid into a chair across from Benrey, and rested his elbows on the table patiently. Benrey, having noticed that Gordon was waiting for them to do something, hesitantly reached out and blew on the mug of coffee in front of them, then lifted it and took a sip, opting not to add anything to it. After a few more sips, they sighed and placed the mug back down, and sang a weak string of forest green to teal in Gordon’s direction. The two sit in silence, mulling over what to say next, what to do, what to think. After a minute, Benrey settles back a little in their chair, and asks, “..has it really been two years?” 

* * *

Benrey had spent the past year living in a tiny motel room, sweet-voicing his way out of rent, and not really _doing_ anything at all. If it had been another year earlier, he’d have just said _‘it was kinda sucks I guess’_ and lived on, playing video games and hanging out with friends. Now, there's nothing he can even say. He remembers waking up a year ago, and bits and pieces since. To say his life has been uneventful, however, would be both an over and understatement. 

If only he knew how to tell Gordon this. Maybe the coffee would help him talk. 

* * *

Gordon blinked hearing Benrey’s question, having half expected the silence to stretch on for hours. However, he did nod in response, almost by reflex, and after a moment specified, “Yeah, it has. Bit more, by now, actually. Where.. Where’ve you been?”. He glanced away as an afterthought, a sudden new jumble of thoughts making it hard to look at Benrey.

_We missed you. Where did you go? Why did you take so long to get back? We missed you. … I missed you. … I’m glad you're back. … I wish you’d come back sooner. … I missed you._

A quiet, half-hearted snort jolted him out of his confusing emotional spiral. Benrey, trying to give off his usual air of sarcastic relaxation, leaned back in his chair and hooked his hands behind his neck. “What, did poor friend Feetman miss ol’ Benny boy? Gaydon Feetman missed his best bud? Huh?” 

_Damn if that wasn’t a goddamn bullseye. And I was trying so hard to avoid thinking about it. Can’t ignore it now, huh. Shit._

Gordon decided to respond in the fashion he knew best; light-hearted assholery. “And if I did? I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He inwardly cringed. _That’s not the right response after not seeing someone for two years._ Locking his eyes on his coffee ( _Anything but the eldritch being in front of him),_ he dropped half a spoonful of sugar into it, then poured a decent amount of creamer in, stirring slowly. A pause in the conversation again. Gordon risked a glimpse at Benrey, not having heard an answer, was surprised by the sight before him. Benrey was looking intently at the table, and a near-silent melody could be heard vibrating out of them, surrounding them in lights of _grey and cyan and grey and teal and yellow with pink and more grey and cyan and more grey and-_

Gordon looked back down, wishing he could read sweet voice. At Benrey’s tired mumble, though, his attention snaps back up, and he lifted his face to look at them again, waiting for clarification. “Hm?”

They turned their head to the side, idly waving the bubbles of light away. “Said, that’s kinda gay of you, Gaydon Gayman.” Benrey tried for a smirk. It looks more like a slight grimace. 

_Their eyes are so dull they have such dark shadows under their eyes their eyes used to be so bright and piercing and_ _beautiful_ _and now they’re just infinitely tired, like an endless pool of emptiness-_

Benrey cleared their throat.

“Is. you arm? Is your arm okay..?” They look nearly scared to ask. If their eyes weren’t so empty so tired so lost- 

Gordon smiled, and nodding answered “Oh, yeah, it’s all perfect now! I got a prosthetic, and physical therapy has helped a lot. It’s almost the way it was before the Resonance Cascade, besides the fact that it’s colder than my actual hand.” He let out a slight laugh at that. “And I feel things a bit differently through it. It’s good, though. Best prosthetic money and a government-run company CEO can buy.” Benrey nodded. “Okay. I’m… sorry, by the way. I didn’t… they weren’t supposed to.. Sorry. ‘M sorry.” Gordon’s eyebrows scrunched together a little, a look of concern flitting over his face. “It’s okay. I’m fine now, and I forgive you, I forgave you ages ago. It’s fine, man.” He chugged the rest of his still-too-hot coffee and watched as Benrey turned their gaze to the floor, avoiding looking at Gordon.

Abruptly, Gordon stood up. He set his mug down, making his way around the dining table, and took Benrey’s hand, pulling them out of their own seat and making them look up at Gordon nervously, apprehensively. 

“Come here.” Gordon led Benrey over to the couch nearby, tugging them down to sit beside him. He looked at him more intensely than he allowed himself throughout their initial conversation. “Tell me what’s wrong, what are you feeling, thinking, what’s happened the past two years, where were you?” he pried, and moved his unoccupied hand to rest on the side of Benrey’s face, his warm skin contrasting Benrey’s cold, tired cheek.

Benrey tentatively eyed Gordon’s hands.

And the dam broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will update with the next one soon I promise I won't leave you guys on this painful cliffhanger for too long :(
> 
> as mentioned before, check out my tumblr (sun-needs-sleep), I made some sketches of the first chapter and I'm gonna post them soon :)  
> Have a good day you guys! 
> 
> And for real, thank you so much. I honestly was over-excited when I realized 3 people read the first chapter, it's hard to comprehend that more than 100 people now have,,,,, it's insane /pos  
> I appreciate all of the comments so much, even if I haven't replied to them all yet (time management skills who?), it means the world to me that people would put the time into reading my work, let alone commenting on it. 
> 
> Sweet voice colours are from the infamous sweet voice guide doc! Rhymes will only happen when a translation is in the story dialogue.


	3. Where Did You Go, Where Will You Stay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Benrey have a chat, of sorts. Benrey elaborates on his situation (a little). Choices are made, emotions are shown (and hidden, too).  
> Expo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiii hi hi hi hi hi bluhh sorry it's been what, a week? two? I can't do math.  
> I ended up spending more time doing schoolwork before break (who the fuck makes their school district's holiday break start on Christmas eve? what the fuck???) and then the first few days of break sleeping most of each day. But! I have a plot formed in a sort of loose bubble that I'm spreading out through the next few chapters to get things to fit well and work and stuff, so I'll be uploading more soon hopefully! I'm thinking I might try to do a weekly schedule, uploading on Mondays so I have weekends to work on the bulk of the writing? Might have more over the next week though, since the upcoming week is my one full week of break. I'm hoping to get chapters 4+5 up before I have to get back to school, so I promise I'll Try to do it. augh time management  
> to sum it up, Fuck ADHD, fuck the US school/education system, and I hope you all enjoy this next chapter! It's,, idk how I feel about it but I needed exposition and I needed to not make it sound like a goddamn Wikipedia article. so I jumbled in some emotions.

Gordon spent the next hour securely holding Benrey in his arms, mumbling comforts to them as they sobbed into his shoulder. Most of what they tried to say through their tears was incomprehensible, but from what Gordon did understand, they kept apologizing over and over while simultaneously trying to explain _something,_ and he did his best to console them and calm them down through it, rubbing their back in small, reassuring circles.

After Benrey’s tears eased to quiet sniffles and the sweet voice flooding from their mouth ceased along with their trembling, Gordon pulled back a tiny bit, and put his hand back on Benrey’s cheek to lift their face up to look at him. They tried to avoid his stare at first but gave in after a minute when Gordon whispered their name. Having gotten their attention, he gave a small, soft smile and said again, “Benrey. It’s okay. Everything is okay. You’re here, I’m here, everything will be okay, do you want to talk? You don’t have to.” 

Benrey’s still sorrowful eyes blinked back at him for a second, a trace amount of surprise lingering in them as well, seemingly wrapping their mind around his question. A moment later, they nodded, and hoarsely whispered, “Give.. give me a second… I… yeah.” They cleared their throat and looked down anxiously. “Where do you want me to start?”

Gordon stroked their cheekbone with his thumb comfortingly and exhaled, relaxing a little. “How about what you’ve been doing the past two years? To whatever extent you remember and are okay with sharing.” Benrey nodded. “I didn’t know it’d been two years, to be honest. I woke up from the void at some point, I think it was summer, ‘cause it was hot and stuff. Found a motel not far from where I respawned or whatever, um.. Ta- talked my way into getting a room to stay in. It’s been some time, so that must’ve been a year ago. Seasons happened, probably. Before that…” They paused, wincing slightly at whatever thought had come to them. “Before that, I was in the void. Took me a while to rebuild myself after all… _that…_ . I don’t really want to think about the void r’now, mmn.” Benrey took a deep breath, stabilizing themself to keep going. Gordon nodded to them in encouragement, and their posture softened a bit. “I don’t remember much of the past year, it hasn’t been… anything,, really… nothing good, not even much bad. Just, noth- nothing. I slept as much as I could, and I don’t remember what I did when I wasn’t. Must’ve done _some_ thin’, I still have that room and mleh.. And.. a cat? I’m pretty sure I have a cat living in my. room. Um. Dunno where why from? Anyway, probably just spent the year eating, sleeping, staring numbly into blank nothingness, sleeping, and dodging rent, haha.” Benrey chuckled humourlessly at that statement, looking almost sheepishly down when they noticed the worry creasing Gordon’s face. Waiting for a moment, they shrugged and mumbled “Yeah that’s really kinda all. Fantastic life of Benrey or whatever.”, and then yawned, tears prickling in the corners of their eyes as they stretched and then slumped timidly into Gordon’s chest, too exhausted to be anxious about the proximity of their former frenemy. 

Gordon sighed deeply, settling back into the hug, and nestled his face in Benrey’s surprisingly soft hair. His eyes drift to the side, noticing a few hazy white and salmon sweet voice bubbles floating up demurely from where Benrey’s face was buried in his chest. He reached out almost subconsciously, popping one of them and rubbing the warm yet textureless light between his fingers. A surge of warmth flooded through him, filling him with a sense of hesitant security, and Gordon smiled, closing his eyes and resting his head more comfily against Benrey’s. They both stayed that way for some time, relishing the sense of hesitant comfort surrounding them. The weight of what Benrey had said still hung over them, as did the feeling of their story being incomplete, but right now Gordon chose to prioritize the likely much-needed relaxation of a good, warm, hug. 

* * *

After another hour or so passed, Gordon once again stirred, withdrawing from the hug to instead grasp Benrey’s hands in his own. “I don’t want to sound too.. pushy, or presumptuous, or anything, but a motel room you share with a cat and don’t do much at all in doesn’t sound like that good of a home. Do.. do you need a better place to stay? It doesn’t have to be with me, the Coolattas are bound to have space, or the Coomers perhaps, or we could all help you find your own place if you’d rather be alone. But yea, d’you want some-place else?”

Benrey lifted his head to look into Gordon’s eyes as he processed the question, turning it over and over in his mind for a couple of moments. “Mmm.. I don’t want my own place. Too quiet, too empty, too,, void. Is it… can I… would… hh.” He snapped his mouth shut, his sharp teeth clicking together as he stopped trying to form a sentence that refused to fall into place. Gordon smiled, huffing out a breathy chuckle, and nodded. “I gotcha. Who.. where would you rather stay?” Benrey’s eyes flitted back and forth momentarily, and he hid his face between Gordon’s chest and the couch, determined to hide his expression, his cheeks having turned a bit pink, and only hid more when the sweet voice they couldn’t prevent from slipping out of their mouth popped against the couch and splattered their face with pink and mauve hues in almost an imitation of freckles. Face burning, Benrey mumbled something quietly enough for his ears to not be able to distinguish what it was. Stuck between the urge to tease Benrey and the instinct to fulfill his curiosity, he simply hummed, tone raising questioningly as he settled a hand in their hair, stroking it lightly as he waited for a response. A quick grin spread across his face as he felt Benrey’s hands clutch at his shirt and their face turn even farther into the couch cushions, muffling more sweet voice and only leaving a pinkish glow surrounding them. Carefully leaning in, Gordon strained his ears to catch what Benrey mumbled this time, and his grin split into a dumbstruck, flushed smile at the single muffled word he heard slip from their mouth- “ _you._ ”

_Ah. Wait wait wait what kind of reaction was that? It seemed a bit too much of a reaction for finding out a friend you missed would rather stay with you than another friend. It’s fine to be excited when a friend you missed wants to stay with you when given a choice. Normal, fine, yes._ Gordon quickly mentally pulled out a little cardboard box and stuffed the smile into it, deciding to put it in the pile of “deal with this later at 3 am” thoughts. And promptly punted the box into the deepest recesses of his brain. 

Pushing back the urge to shake the thought out of his mind physically, he schooled his features, leaving a more simple, less excited grin on his face, and pulled Benrey back into his arms properly. “Good thing I have a guest room, then,” he hummed. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

This time, Benrey pulls back, not bothering to hide the blatant shock on his face. “Really? You’re okay with that? Gordon Niceman letting me stay with?” His voice wavered a little, teetering between uncertainty, disbelief, and poorly masked excitement. “That’s… um… cool, uh, pog, yeah, uh, thanks. Uhm. heh.” At that, Gordon laughed, more fully than the past few chuckles, and patted Benrey’s shoulder. “Sure, man, I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t okay with it. But, uh, is it okay if we discuss the details a bit later? There’re a few other more urgent things to take care of.” They nodded, cocking their head in a questioning manner, waiting for Gordon to elaborate. He cleared his throat and continued, “I need to pick Joshua up from school soon, and then I invited Tommy over for lunch afterwards. Would you be okay with hanging around for lunch? I know Tommy would be happy to see you, but you’re, you’re the one who gets the final say. So?” He waved his hands a little, stimming out the excess energy spilling over. _ADHD is a bitch._

* * *

At first, Benrey balked at the thought of talking to even more people, even if it was his best friend… who he hadn’t seen in two years. But, he also trusted Gordon, despite the more unsavory parts of his thoughts, and so he nodded, hoping he’d be able to handle it without breaking down as he did with Gordon. At least, hopefully not so fast. This would be okay. Yeah. 

* * *

Gordon glanced over at the clock on the oven and sighed. “Alright, Ben, I have to get going. Feel free to look around? Please don’t break anything or set anything on fire, though. Aright?” he inquired, not particularly looking for a response. Nonetheless, Benrey nodded, turning to lean back against the couch and not moving from the spot. Satisfied, Gordon stood up, checking the time on his phone. 

As soon as Gordon turned his back and left the room, every emotion slipped off of Benrey’s face, and a blank, resolute exhaustion settled back into its routine position in the shadows of his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope that wasn't total garbage! Right now as I write this note it's nearing 4 am so the more I think about it the more I dislike the chapter But I've spent Too Much Time not uploading chapters to continue not uploading chapters.
> 
> I've been basing Benrey's emotional reactions on how I've acted in various times through my own shit journey through depression (hot off the press! direct source, can't get any better! made fresh a second ago because I am still fucked up!) so while it might seem like Benrey is okay, he is not! That's the point :). Y'know how sometimes social interactions are practically muscle memory and you end up smiling and almost feeling happy when you're in a social situation? And then you either crash mid-convo or you drop everything in a millisecond as soon as the socialization is over? That's what I went with for benrey this chapter. he's happy to see Gordon again, but it's superficial happiness, it can't stick in his brain because all it's capable of being on a deeper level is tired and depressed and empty. 
> 
> Tell me if I should put content warnings for descriptions of emotions while severely depressed or not, okay? Because I'm drawing almost directly from my own experiences, and combined with my ADHD that makes it into an uncomfortably detailed description of what being depressed feels like.
> 
> The next chapter should either be awkward nervous fluff OR that but with some interrupting heavy angst in the middle. b .


	4. You Can, In Fact, Have Shit In The LGBTQ Community

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Best friends reunite, Gordon proves he's a dad through and through, Benrey gets some dinner, and also processes the day's events and feels better for the first time in ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO UH  
> Sorry for my prolonged absence, I am a dumbass and that's my only excuse :) the first semester is over now and I think I have a relative work schedule planned out that could work, potentially, so I can stay on top of both schoolwork and personal work (including writing fics). Hopefully, that'll make my uploading schedule at least a bit more frequent.  
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

Gordon, Tommy, and Benrey sat at the kitchen table, silently staring at each other; the pizza he made for lunch was still sitting between them, untouched. Finally, Gordon sighed and reached out to take a piece, realizing that nothing was getting anywhere. They’d been sitting like this for twenty minutes at least, and the pizza was getting cold. Spurred on by his sudden movements, Tommy and Benrey both reached out for a piece as well. Still awkwardly silent, the trio ate their lunch, the pizza slowly disappearing off of the table. 

Well. That was done and over with. Unfortunately, it had done absolutely nothing to ease the tension.  _ Fuck,  _ Gordon thought.  _ Can’t have shit in the lgbtq community, huh.  _ Suppressing a snort at his own thought, he straightened in his seat and crossed his arms, easily pulling up a Classic Dad Expression™ of stern patience, one that showed he would not budge until progress was made. The other two did everything to not meet his gaze, Benrey shrinking (metaphorically) back into their hoodie as if into a tortoise shell, while Tommy fidgeted with a plastic clump of tangles, eyes darting between Gordon and Benrey. Gordon tapped his fingers against an arm, refusing to let up.

Tommy recognized that Benrey wasn’t in the headspace to start a conversation and gave in, setting his hands in his lap, still stimming out nervous energy. He considered what to start with, then asked, “Are you safe?”. At that, Benrey looked up, tensing slightly in surprise at the question, and as soon as they met Tommy’s gaze they looked away again, sighing out a muted, translucent cloud of yellow that flowed between purple and pink. Tommy’s concerned expression lessened but was quickly replaced by a more pensive one. He tried again, leaning forward to rest his arms on the table. “Benrey.” This time, they didn’t look over at Tommy, likely uncomfortable at even the chance of eye contact, but their brows twitched down the slightest bit, an undecipherable emotion flitting across their face as they grimaced and rasped out another plume of hazy sweetvoice, shifting smoothly from white to black to mauve to purple. That seemed to be enough for Tommy, as Gordon noticed his shoulders visibly relaxed, and after a minute of slightly less tense silence, Tommy reached across the table, not touching Benrey but simply resting a hand near them, and mumbled “Blue to pink both very light”. At that, both Benrey and Gordon focused fully on him, though he said nothing else. After another minute, Benrey shuddered and sighed, then whispered back “Means everything’ll be alright.”, quieter than Gordon had ever heard them. Despite that uncomfortable thought, he smiled and unfolded his arms, relieved that the two friends got something figured out, even if he himself didn’t understand. Reaching out to gently place a hand on Tommy and Benrey’s, he let his smile grow a bit wider, his relief practically tangible to the other two. Gordon figured that they’d all had enough active emotional turmoil for the time being, and with a pleased grin offered, “Ice cream for dessert?”

* * *

The trio spent the next couple of hours figuring out plans for the near future, chatting, and just generally having fun. At some point, Joshua came downstairs after a nap and all four of them played Mario Kart together, Joshua winning every round (Gordon would be the only one to admit he let Joshua win, but never in front of him). Soon, though, it was nearing dinnertime, and Tommy had to get going, explaining that he’d hoped to watch a movie with Darnold before the latter left for his night shift. Gordon saw him out with a promise to see him again soon and set about making dinner himself. Humming his way through some Queen songs, he pulled out various kitchen utensils and ingredients, deftly slipping back and forth between parts of the kitchen as Benrey watched on, silently. Their undivided attention didn’t go unnoticed, and once Gordon found a moment to pause in his cooking, he set the knife he was using down and turned to them. 

“Benrey.” The call to attention snapped them out of their half-zoned-out state, and Benrey blinked a few times, pulling their thoughts in from wherever they’d wandered off to. “..Huh?” Gordon snorted at the familiar response but forged on. “You good? You look kinda... Uh...” Gordon waves a hand to reference Benrey’s previous state of mind. “You’ve been watching me cook for a bit, do you want to join me?” Their eyebrows raised a bit at the suggestion, but they didn’t start a barrage of gay comments and just shrugged, expression blank. “Nah, I’m good, just uh. Thhhinking.” As they replied, a small puff of teal and blue bubbles escaped from their mouth, but they waved them away without any change in expression. Gordon nodded and hummed in understanding, then decided to inquire, “Is… sorry I didn’t ask earlier. Is stir-fry  _ okay _ ? I just kinda started making it and didn’t ask you.”

Benrey’s eyes lit up a bit with hope at the insinuation that he’s welcome to stay for dinner. Stumbling to get out a reassurance and not get lost in the surprisingly large amount of joy that bubbled up inside him, he spouted out, “Yeah no you’re fine stir-fry is good ten out of ten um thanks yes you’re fine don’t worry,” and promptly sang out a plume of pink to purple orbs at the ceiling, the colours brighter than any other Gordon had seen from Benrey since he’d come back. Smiling warmly at him, Gordon turned and went back to cooking, humming Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy under his breath. 

* * *

Benrey sat on the guest room bed, blankets wrinkling under him, with multiple sets of clothes and some extra blankets and pillows piled at his sides. Lost in his thoughts, he swung his legs back and forth. He was still slightly reeling from the day’s events. 

First, G-man had come by at an ungodly time in the morning (Not that it mattered to either of them, G-man was a time god and Benrey was an eldritch being. The laws of nature didn’t apply to them unless they wanted to, plus Benrey’s sleeping schedule was pretty fucked up at the moment.), and decided to give Benrey a lecture about how he should get over himself and go find his former teammates, afterwards dropping Benrey on a street corner and disappearing again before the disoriented alien could comment. 

Then he caught a glimpse of Gordon out in the yard of the house on the corner where he’d been dropped, and that was a whole other burst of confusion. After a while, he’d finished processing everything G-man had said and taken about half an hour to work up the courage to go up to Gordon’s door, having lost sight of him. He should’ve known he was still outside, but Benrey was worried about other things, such as seeing  _ Gordon Freeman _ for the first time in a year (though he now knew it had been two). 

The third hit of the day was the bewilderment that came from Gordon being  _ so fucking nice to him _ _?_ So out of character, a part of him thought, the man even fucking offered him breakfast. He didn’t even need breakfast. Even if he did feel better after drinking some of the coffee placed in front of him. 

Then came the next wave of shock, really three in quick succession, fully processing that twice as much time had passed as he had thought, Gordon joking in response to one of Benrey’s reflexive quips, and then Gordon pulled him over to the couch and Benrey broke down completely, all of the emotions that had been shoved away the past two years flooding out into Gordon’s shoulder, irrepressible. It had been hard not to feel guilty about it, and Benrey almost did, but the feeling was bowled over by the realization of how much he’d missed seeing Gordon and how nice it was to feel cared for. It certainly was a lot. 

The rest of the surprises weren’t as overwhelming, it had been mostly guiltily relieving to see Tommy again, and meeting Joshua was really just fun, if a bit exhausting. Gordon casually implying that Benrey was welcome to stay for dinner washed away the rest of the clingy bad feelings that had plagued him ever since that morning, and now he was sitting on a soft, nice bed, in Gordon’s house, mind calmly running through the events of the day while he had the emotional stability to process the past and think ahead. 

Maybe things would be better. Maybe he wouldn’t ever have to sleep in that damned motel room again, he could see the rest of the science team and have fun like they used to, he could get to know everyone better, maybe he would be okay. A nearly addictive feeling of hope and tentative joy spread through him warmly, and Benrey closed his eyes and smiled.

From a few rooms away, he heard Gordon call out that the bathroom was free and that Benrey could go shower now, that he’d be making popcorn downstairs, and Benrey’s smile only grew as he stood up, gathered the pajamas Gordon had offered him, and padded down the hall to relax under a hot shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was good! Leave a comment if you want to toss an idea or a question or suggestion or smth at me, I'm gonna try to actually reply to them from now on :)  
> Finally got a chapter with a concrete ending! It's called Sun finally got their shit together and remembered how writing works! I'm also already starting chapter five, bc I got an idea for how I want it to go, and that makes things a billion times easier for me.  
> Also, some people may know (hi pogcordians!) that I have a huge document of a ton of story ideas/plans, so keep in mind that I'm not talking about that when I say this:  
> I have at least two more fics that I'm working on writing right now, though I might not upload them for a while, one fic is pretty convoluted and heavy and I think I might write the whole first arc, and once I'm done upload the chapters? And the other I started yesterday as a writing warmup and so it's the lowest priority out of all of the fics I'm writing, so it'll happen when it happens but that one is more self-indulgent and less character-exploratory. I prommy I'm not gonna straight-up ignore any of my fics! I'll try to at least put if I'm on a temp hiatus in the tags, okay?  
> take care, love you all! *smooches all of u on the cheek platonically*


	5. It's A Mental Breakdown~ ♪♪♪♪~ ♪♪♪♪♪~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Benrey go to collect the small number of things Benrey owns. Benrey has an emotional breakdown. Gordon comforts him like any good friend would, if that good friend happened to be potentially in denial about some (re?)surfacing feelings. The two of them and Joshie go grocery shopping. Aaaaand then play some Smash. All in all, a normal day. Right? Sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck.  
> -  
> oops. I'm the worst at naming chapters. oops oops.   
> a small warning for body horror (Benrey spawns a bunch of extra eyes) and a pretty severe meltdown (again, benrey). also for the word c*tb*y being used thrice, I'm so sorry please don't hunt me down /j  
> uhhhhhh this chappy is fuckin. four times the size of the previous ones i literally doubled my word count I fucking Went Off I guess dude maybe it's cause I actually managed to start writing a storyline for this fic. or maybe I had a weird vein of writing energy. anyway, not a bad thing, hopefully I can at least sort of keep the streak going, enjoy!!! mwah mwah /p

Benrey stood beside Gordon before the door of his motel room. He’d managed to weasel his way out of rent for a whole year, and if he was really honest, he wasn’t sure if he could keep up the control much longer. No matter what excuse he thought of, all of them had loopholes that would end up getting him found out sooner or later. 

With a sigh, Benrey pulled open the door and stepped in, flicking on the lights and crossing his arms. His apparently accidentally acquired cat sidled up to him, rubbing against his legs. Benrey leaned down and scooped it up, presenting the small shorthair tortoiseshell cat to Gordon. “Its name is Dew. Hold.” 

Gordon slowly reached out to cradle the cat in his own arms, and Dew settled down immediately, whole-hearted trust radiating off of it expressed through purrs. Gordon gazed down at its bright green eyes. “...Dew?” He looked back up to Benrey with a questioning look. 

“Uh. yeah. Named it Mountain Dew at some point. Don’t remember when or why. It responds to Dew so… yeah. It’s Dew.” He shrugged, looking away and around the room. “I’m gonna…” A soft stream of translucent sweetvoice emanated from Benrey’s mouth as he hummed in thought. “Gonna pack my… clothes or something.” He frowned, both at the clumsy wording and at the feeling of not knowing what to do. He wasn’t sure where to start at all, he didn’t have many personal belongings, and being back in this place made him instinctively slip back into his apathetic mindset. Might as well do the first thing that came out of his mouth. 

Not noticing Gordon’s concerned expression, he set about collecting various pieces of clothing off the floor and furniture. There wasn’t much, and nearly all of the clothes were hoodies and sweatpants. Having gathered the whole of his wardrobe, he tossed them into a heap on his bed, and after a moment’s hesitation, he began sorting and folding them. 

He heard a click from the direction of the door, and looking up revealed Gordon pulling it closed and setting Dew gently on the floor. Trading the cat for a cardboard box from the stack they’d brought along, he strode over to where Benrey had gone back to folding and set down the box beside them along with a sharpie. 

“Benrey.” At the call for his attention, he glanced up at the other man, tilting his head to the side in a silent answer of “what?”. Gordon tapped his fingers against his prosthetic and nodded towards the pile of clothes. “What do you want me to help with, man? Is there anything I should start packing first?” A glance around the room reminded Benrey that he didn’t have many possessions to pack, anyway. 

He sighed, knowing Gordon wouldn’t let it go until he was given something to do. “Could you maybe get Dew’s things? ‘Vrything’s kinda in one… spot.” he suggested, jerking his head in the direction of the corner evidently dedicated to the cat and its belongings. Benrey inwardly cringes a little, noting how much more clean and organized that corner of the room was compared to the rest. Taking care of Dew was way easier than taking care of himself, and it was one of the few things he never let himself slack on. Dew depended on him, and even without the guilt from Black Mesa haunting him, he would have felt horrible for letting anything bad happen to it under his care. 

As summoned by Benrey’s tangent in his thoughts, Dew jumped up onto the bed as he folded the last of the clothes, dropping them in the box Gordon had offered him. When he straightened back up, Dew nudged its head into his arm, wiggling under so that his right hand rested on its head. Benrey’s expression softened, the stony deadpan look melting off of his face into one he desperately tried to block, face tensing in a slight grimace. Dew’s efforts were overpowering his self-control, and tears began slowly welling up in his eyes, new eyes opening all over his face and filling with tears as well. 

The small soft personification of pure affection under his hand let out a little peep along with its purrs, and the last thread of Benrey’s resolve snapped. Tears began rolling swiftly down his face, every eye that had sprouted on his form flooding over as he began crying. At first it was just a silent torrent of tears, but it dawned on Benrey that he’d been holding back more than he even realized, and his control slid away from him as if down a muddy riverbank. He hiccupped, having momentarily forgotten that he still needed to breathe, and another thread snapped. No longer silent, his hiccups came in more and more quick succession, morphing into loud gasps and sobs as he broke down, still petting Dew as if on autopilot.

* * *

Gordon froze in place as he heard a sharp inhale from Benrey’s direction, and before he could question it, the sound snowballed into rapid gasps and then into full-on sobs. He whipped around, wondering what had happened, and was greeted by the sight of Benrey stroking Dew’s head shakily, face containing significantly more than the normal amount of eyes, all of them overflowing with tears. 

Worry flashing through him, he hurried over to where Benrey stood, putting his hands on his shoulders, causing a few of Benrey’s eyes to flick over briefly to his hands and then him, before being consumed by tears again. His right hand still moved over Dew’s head, though the cat now sat completely still, staring at Gordon as though it was waiting. Gordon looked back to Benrey, whose trembling form seemed too overwhelmed to fully comprehend his surroundings. 

Gordon frowned, growing only more worried, and took Benrey’s hands, picking them up from where they still lay shaking on top of Dew. A few of the eyes on his hands closed, and Gordon took it as a good sign; hoping that either Benrey was calming down a little, or was able to comprehend enough to get rid of the eyes so he didn’t poke them by accident. He sat down on the bed, Dew politely moving aside, and pulled Benrey down to sit next to him. It nearly backfired, Benrey collapsing in on himself as he followed the pull, but Gordon caught him as he fell forward, skipping straight to the next stage of comfort with a tight hug. 

His heart twinged with unwarranted guilt, and he scooched farther back on the bed, pulling Benrey with him and practically into his lap. Benrey shuddered, hiccups not letting up, but clutched at Gordon’s shirt as he cradled the distressed being closer to his chest, offering as much comfort and presence as he could. 

Remembering a technique multiple therapists had taught him throughout his life, Gordon rubbed Benrey’s back and carefully whispered for his attention. 

“Hey, Ben, bud, can you understand me right now? Blink with your original eyes if you can.” 

Patiently waiting for an answer, he focused on slowing his breathing, hoping that Benrey would instinctively do so as well. A minute later, likely having processed the request and mustered up the energy to comply, Benrey’s two original eyes blinked, a few others blinking along, and a few fading from view as they did so. 

Letting out a sigh of relief, Gordon nodded. “Do you think you could follow the pattern of my breathing, Benrey?” A slightly faster response of another blink answered him, and he took one of Benrey’s hands and placed it on his chest. Holding him steady, Gordon began the rhythmic breathing he’d been taught to memorize, breathing in for four seconds, holding for seven, and slowly exhaling for eight. Soon, the shaky individual caught on and joined him in the ritual. Time passed, more than five minutes, but Gordon wasn’t sure exactly how much and he wasn’t about to start caring. After a spell, Benrey’s extra eyes slowly closed one by one on each exhale, until he was breathing steadily, no longer breaking down, staring at Gordon’s shirt twisted in his hands as he leaned against the man’s chest. 

The fact that he was curled up in Gordon’s lap must have dawned on him, because Benrey let go and sat up, still trembling, but significantly more coherent and calm than before. However, Gordon’s attention was drawn to his expression, which had turned into a guilty frown that was slowly deepening as his eyebrows creased. Benrey wrapped his arms around himself, shrugging off Gordon’s, and looked intensely down at the floor away from him.

“Sorry.”

The apology tore Gordon’s heart to pieces, knowing from experience how Benrey felt, and he reached forward to take Benrey’s tear-stained face in his hands. Swiping away any remaining tears, he shook his own head gently and turned Benrey’s face to look him in the eyes.

“Benrey. Benrey, it’s okay. I get it. I get it and you’re not a bother at all and I’m always here for you when you need anything, okay? You have nothing to apologize for. Emotions happen all the time and you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling them, and if you do and can’t help it, then we’ll just have to work on that, right? It’s okay. You’ll be okay. I’m here. You’ll be okay.” 

Gordon’s reassurances seemed to take some effect, and he concluded it was a good one because while more tears slipped down Benrey’s face, he leaned back into Gordon, wrapping his arms around the taller man and shuddering as Gordon used one hand to wipe off the new tears and the other, prosthetic hand to stroke Benrey’s back soothingly. He muttered something into Gordon’s chest, muffled enough for Gordon to not understand, so he lifted Benrey’s face up towards him a little, taking in the splotchy, sharp-angled features as he asked, “what was that?”

Benrey slanted his eyes away, instead looking at the arm connected to the hand holding his face, and repeated, slightly hoarsely and louder, “thank you. I- uh- thanks.” He sighed, going a bit more limp in Gordon’s hold. “The breathing… helped. I don’t know why I broke down like that. S- uhm. Thanks for being here, Gordon.”

Despite his eyes being tilted away, the genuine thankfulness shining through the exhaustion in Benrey’s reddened eyes made Gordon’s breath catch in his throat, heart skipping as he heard Benrey use his first name. His eyes widened slightly as he noticed his heart skipping a beat, wildly shoving the feeling into that same “for 3 am only” box, and instead nodded to Benrey. “Of course, man. Is there anything else you need right now?” Benrey shook his head in response, and Gordon continued. “How about we take a break, get some food, and finish cleaning up once you feel better? Does that sound okay?”

Benrey glanced around with uncertainty, obviously not wanting to be there for longer than he had to, but the exhaustion won out and he nodded meekly. Clearing his throat, he asked in a raspy tone, “can we order Chinese takeout for lunch?” 

Grinning, Gordon nodded and pulled out his phone, putting in an order for delivery. “Sure, what do you want to get?”

* * *

Benrey lay on the shitty bed, head in Gordon’s lap, half-asleep after a filling meal of Chinese takeout. Gordon was playing with his hair, something he could now do because of it finally growing out. Benrey had never been allowed to grow his hair out while he was in Black Mesa, and the casual affectionate contact was pure bliss. He let himself relax further, exhaustion from the emotional collapse slowly pulling him into a nicer type of oblivion than he was used to, and the last thought he had before slipping away was him thinking that a while ago, likely in Black Mesa, this had been something he craved very much, but had been something he only ever thought he’d experience in his wildest dreams. He couldn’t fully place why, the reason seeming deeper than just loneliness, but before he could try to think further on it, sleep took him in its soft grasp and Benrey fell asleep.

* * *

Gordon’s hands idly combed through Benrey’s hair, twisting locks between his fingers and weaving little braids in random places. Lost in thought, or rather, not thought, as Gordon was pretty zoned out, he didn’t notice Benrey falling asleep until a soft snore slipped between the being’s lips, startling Gordon out of his trance. He looked down, taking in Benrey’s peaceful expression, and in the back of his mind hoped that it was one he’d get to see more often. 

Ignoring the thought in favour of taking a look around the room, he realized that they still had packing to do, and it was past two in the afternoon at this point. He didn’t  _ have _ to worry about Joshua, he’d dropped him off at his brother’s house, but by nature, he did. He did have other things to do by the end of the day, however; grocery shopping and afternoon garden upkeep, among others. So, he checked to see if Benrey was still asleep, then slowly moved his head onto the softest pillow he could find, covering his torso in the hoodie Gordon had shed once he’d started working on packing things up. He stood with a lengthy stretch, back arching with his arms above his head, and turned back to the corner where Dew’s things were sitting, half-packed. Planning out his course of action for the rest of the packing, Gordon quietly set to work putting things into boxes and carrying them out to his car as carefully as possible. 

The task was tedious with the extra precautions, but not difficult, and soon all of Dew’s things and Benrey’s clothes and hygiene products were in the trunk of his car, carefully stacked in an organized manner. The only items that remained were the wide array of gaming consoles taking up half of the room’s space, and two… little wooden figures? Gordon wasn’t sure what that was about, but he’d seen them before, the foot-tall little human shapes used for posing and anatomy references in art classes he’d taken at points in time. He resisted the urge to take a dry-erase marker and draw little happy faces on them, knowing that whatever impulses say, he couldn’t just go and do that to something he didn’t even know why Benrey  _ had. _

Instead, hoping Benrey would wake up soon, he started cleaning up the various takeout boxes and soda cans lying on the bed and bedside table from their lunch, as well as any residual trash around the room. As he was dumping all of the trash into one large garbage bag and tying it closed, he heard shuffling from the bed, and when he looked over, Benrey was sitting up, blearily rubbing his eyes with a large yawn. He glanced down, noticing Gordon’s sweatshirt crumpled in his lap after it had fallen off his chest when he’d sat up, and then around the room to see where the owner of said jacket was. 

As his eyes fell on Gordon, standing by the doorway, trash bag in hand, he yawned again, and Gordon smiled, setting the bag down.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty wakes. Good nap?” He chuckled, stepping towards the sleepy alien and ruffling his still half-braided hair. As soon as the words left his mouth, he internally screamed, overthinking the  _ instant _ he realized the potential insinuation he’d made. Shaking the mess out of his head, he focused back on Benrey, who was yawning again with a nod. 

“Yeah, I guess, man, wasn’t the worst I’ve slept. Whydja start packing without me? Thought we were taking a break?” Benrey’s voice was laced with sleepiness, with a tiny hint of what seemed like shame and hurt seeping in. Gordon cringed, realizing how it may have come off, but chose to plop down on the bed beside Benrey and Dew to look Benrey in the eyes.

“Sorry, Ben, I didn't mean to do everything without you, you just looked super peaceful sleeping and I thought some extra energy wouldn’t hurt for you to get before continuing. I couldn’t really sit still, though, so I decided to get something helpful done while you slept, so we could finish up quickly and go do some grocery shopping together? Didn’t mean to make you feel unhelpful.” 

Benrey nodded in understanding, the haze from sleep still blurring his thoughts enough for him to not get too worked up over it. “Gotcha, Gordon ADHD-man. Anything left to do?”

Gordon snorted at the teasing name, knowing it was rather on point, and nodded his head towards the gaming consoles. “Left these for you, didn’t want to accidentally erase any files by unplugging anything, thought you’d know best considering how  _ many _ of these you have.” He tilted his head in thought, remembering the other thing. “What’s with the little wooden guys, by the way?”

Benrey blinked, taking in the information, then barked out a short laugh. “Oh, those. Those guys. Impulse… buy? I guess? I honestly don’t remember when I got them and what my reason was besides that getting only one would make it lonely so I had to get two. They’re bros. Dudes. Buds. Homies.” Cutting his rambling off, he shrugged, then slid off the bed and padded over to the assortment of gaming devices, kneeling before them to start disconnecting them. “You can just uhhhhh I dunno, drop them with my clothes or something. Don’t be a Meanman and break ‘em. Thankssss.”

Gordon chuckled at Benrey’s description of the origin of the Wooden Dudes, reaching over to take both in one hand, leaving the other free for the trash bag. “I won’t hurt a metaphorical hair on their heads. I’ll be right back.” Stepping around Benrey, he walked to the door, nudging it open with a foot as he picked up the garbage bag. 

After returning from his trip to the car and dumpster, he quickly rinsed his hands in the motel room’s bathroom, then knelt beside Benrey, looking for another task to do. “Anything else I should do? Fold up the wires maybe?” he inquired, eyes following Benrey’s movements.

“Oh, uh, sure, um- Go for it, wires, yeah, since you’re so desperate. All excited like uhhhhhhhh Gordon Puppy-man, huh? Yeah you can take care of the wires, thanks.” 

The awkward retort pulled a snicker out of Gordon, and he reached down for the wires lying on the floor, even as he stared incredulously at the busy alien. “Gordon  _ Puppy _ -man?!? Dude, where’d you even get that one from? I’m not a puppy!” He snickered again, highly amused by the nickname even as he responded to Benrey's teasing banter in an excitingly familiar way.

“Yeah, Puppy-man. You’re sitting there all… tail wagging, and shit, waiting to be told what to do. Fuckin… puppy boy. Little dog man. Bark bark.” Benrey continued his ribbing, struggling to keep laughter in, though a smile was creeping onto his face no matter how hard he tried to keep his stoic expression. 

The cracks in Benrey’s composure didn’t go unnoticed by Gordon, and he responded in kind, though only after wheezing out a short fit of laughter. “Yeah? Well- pff- well I guess you’re Catrey, huh? All flopping over in my lap and getting pets and falling asleep after every meal? God forbid you’re a  _ catboy _ …” his retort tapered off, cut short by another burst of laughter. There was no denying he’d missed this side of Benrey, this part of his relationship with him that week they’d spent together after the Resonance Cascade. Damn alien dork always found a way to make him laugh his ass off.

Benrey let out a loud, offended gasp. “How dare you, Feetman! I am offended I am hurt I am insulted I am leaving Right This Moment Good Sir how could you insi- in- say that catboys are bad? What if I  _ am _ a catboy, huh? Whatcha gonna do then, leave? Are you breaking up with me? Gordon Hates-Catboys-man? Rude and fucked up! Gordon Freeman fucked up and evil moments!” As he responded, however, his veneer slipped and a huge grin broke out over his face. Setting a console down in front of him, Benrey leaned back on his hands and let out a loud, staticky cackle that echoed around the room, mixing with Gordon’s own laughter in a cacophony of mirth. 

As Gordon’s laughter paused while he gulped down much-needed air, his eyes refocused, fixating on Benrey’s face as he shook with laughter, magenta, cyan, and orange lights bubbling out of his mouth. Subconscious lightyears ahead of his conscious brain, his face turned bright red, burning as he stared at Benrey, the need for air momentarily forgotten. As his active thoughts did catch up, though, the first word that shot through his mind was “breathtaking”, ironically enough, though Gordon was too distracted to find humour in his breathlessness. He could only just keep thinking that he was  _ beautiful _ like this, genuine laughter lighting up his face like Gordon’s never seen before. He couldn’t produce enough coherent thought to even shove the realizations away, only thinking enough to keep marveling at Benrey’s giddy expression.

Benrey’s laughter slowed down a bit, also running low on air, and as the alien's eyes opened, Gordon realized that he’d been caught staring, and he coughed, choking on his own breath in embarrassment as Benrey opened his mouth to speak. A look of mild concern passed over Benrey’s face, and changing his mind about what he was gonna say, he instead asked, “Yo bro, you good? Kinda. Kinda choking there. Your um. Your face is pretty red. You ok?”

Face only turning redder, Gordon nodded and gasped out “Yeah I'm okay don’worry just need. Air. It’s fine it’s cool.” He pointedly looked away from Benrey as his heart raced, recentering himself. As he took a deep breath, he reached for the last wire and wrapped it around his hand, then slid it off and secured it with the velcro bit. Looking back up to Benrey, who was packing the consoles into the remaining cardboard boxes yet watching Gordon out of the corner of his eye, half lost in thought, he smirked and stood up, hefting a few boxes into his arms. “So, you coming, catboy?”

* * *

Gordon, pushing a grocery cart down an aisle in the main grocery store of their area, was being assaulted left and right by shouts, pleas, whines, and snarks from both his son and Benrey. He shouldn’t have expected anything else, really. Despite his only responses to their badgering being complaints and dismissals, he was very much enjoying the trip, so used to the stares from strangers that he didn’t even notice them. 

Joshua asked for cashews about a billion times, as well as bizarre things like eels or cowboys or five whole fish from the meat, fish, and deli section. Benrey, on the other hand, would either throw boxes of whatever caught his eye at Gordon, who would have to rely on his improved reflexes with his prosthetic, or would talk without a single break for breath, going off about the most unusual tangents while also simultaneously poking Gordon in the side, playing Lemonade with Joshie, and closely inspecting every single item on the shelves of the store. 

Gordon was glad they didn’t break anything.

Anything but his resolve, that is, because by the time they reached the cash register the cart was full over the top and both Joshua and Benrey were carrying things in their arms, not ceasing their antics one bit, which only served to make Gordon laugh even more. He wasn’t too concerned, he could definitely afford to buy the lot, but he didn’t want this to become a bad habit for them. Still, in the end, the trio was walking out of the grocery store with people staring at their (mostly) unnoticing faces (Benrey did at one point turn and stick his tongue out at a cluster of people watching them), Gordon pushing the cart with surprisingly little effort, and Benrey and Josh’s arms laden with bags as well. 

Gordon had a habit of parking in the farther ends of parking lots, where there was more space, so he wouldn’t ever have to squeeze in between two assholes who didn’t bother parking properly, or some other hassle. The other two didn’t complain, luckily, taking both the walk to the store and back as an opportunity to race. Of course, Joshie won both times. Benrey would dash ahead at lightning speed, near the car, and drop through the ground using his no-clip skills, popping back up beside Gordon and strolling in stride as Joshua ran top speed at the car, smacking his hands against it. Once Gordon and Benrey caught up, the only conversation topic available was how Joshua had _won_ _once again, he’s the strongest fastest coolest cowboy in the US!_

Gordon and Benrey worked in tandem, passing each other grocery bags to put in the car as Joshua wove in between their legs, now telling some grandiose tale about how he had once defeated some super bad evil guy. Once every product had been put away, Joshie scrambled up to Gordon, begging to pull the trunk closed with an “up, up!”. Meanwhile, Benrey took the empty shopping cart and took off, ignoring Gordon’s shouted “be careful”, instead focusing on gaining some momentum and then coasting through the parking lot until he reached the doors of the store once again, where he then civilly slotted the cart back in with the rest. Considering his job well done, he teleported back to the car, sitting on the car roof as Gordon got Joshua situated in his seat, rolling his eyes at the alien perched right above him. 

“Come on, Benrey,” the taller man groaned. “Get your ass in the passenger seat so we can go home, man.” He pulled open the driver’s side door and slid in smoothly, sticking the keys in the ignition but not turning them quite yet, choosing to close the door and sit patiently waiting instead. After ten or so seconds, Benrey gave in and popped into existence in the passenger seat.

“You thinkin’ about my ass, Gaydon Fruitman?” 

The delayed retort drew a wheeze out of Gordon, who doubled over, forehead resting on the steering wheel as he shakily started the car, breathy laughs escaping him and hindering his progress. “Shut up, man! You know that wasn’t what I was talking about! What’s with that nickname?” Benrey snickered and reached for the auxiliary cord lying on the armrest between them, but Gordon reached over and smacked Benrey’s hand with his prosthetic one lightly, stopping their attempt as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Aux cord privileges revoked! Nope! You don’t get to choose the music now, jackass!” In response, Benrey snorted, answering with an “Oh yo, we holding hands now? Dope.” He flipped his hand up to grab Gordon’s, interlacing their fingers. 

Gordon shook his head in exasperation and huffed another laugh, not bothering to pull away, a slight blush dusting his face. Instead, he turned to fully face forward, focusing his eyes on the road before him and the task of getting home, aux cord forgotten.

* * *

The next two hours were spent unpacking the huge haul of groceries they’d bought, Benrey and Joshua picking through their spoils as if they were thieves in a treasure trove ( _ Not too far off, really, _ Gordon thought.), and making dinner (which meant Gordon cooked, Benrey bumbled around keeping company, and Josh ran around playing cowboys 17), which consisted of fancy grilled cheese and a light salad, all of which Benrey consumed at a frighteningly inhuman speed, convincing Joshua to also eat his portion of greens. 

Afterward, Gordon settled down on the couch, content to rest a bit, but before he could do so much as turn on his phone, Benrey catapulted himself onto the spot on the couch right beside him, Joshua rocketing into the cushions on Gordon’s right side in a similar fashion. Grinning, once again full of their contagious energy, he snorted and turned on the TV, connecting his Switch and grabbing three controllers on the way. He tossed one to Benrey and Joshie each, gripping the last himself, and paused before the couch, not sitting down quite yet.

“Here’s an idea. Let’s do a best of ten. Winner gets to choose the movies for next Friday. Sound good?” Gordon grinned, a dare sparkling in his bright green eyes.

Benrey’s pupils rapidly expanded and then contracted as he narrowed his eyes, excitement flaring at the challenge. “Oh, you’re on. Gordon Feetman, more like gonna be Gordon  _ Loseman _ soon.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees in a prepared position.

Joshua’s cheer of “Woo! Movies!” rang out after Benrey’s retort as he clapped his hands in an excited stim, dropping the controller in his lap for a second. Gordon chuckled at his response, then turned and fell back into his spot on the couch, letting gravity and momentum do the work and bounce the other two in the air by a few inches, causing Josh to giggle and Benrey to squawk in surprise. 

Upon loading up the screen, the chaos began. Gordon as Player 1, Benrey as P2, and Joshua as P3. Gordon chose to main Incineroar, and when Benrey opened his mouth to likely make some sort of shitty joke, instantly shot him down with an “I’ve heard it all before, Ben, don’t even try.” Benrey, to Gordon’s surprise (yet somehow he wasn’t surprised at the same time), chose Kirby, which he decided fit the alien’s weird nature. Joshua chose Pichu, which would have been a disaster to control if he weren't so accustomed to the moveset that he could kick Gordon’s ass uncannily well. 

Of course, that was only the start of the crescendo of madness. Yelling, friendly arguing and banter, teasing, pushing, cheating, sabotage, all were fair play, though only in the sense that any of them could use any tactic within certain boundaries. 

Game One

Winner: Gordon

Gordon turned out to be more prepared and practiced than Benrey had expected, which Gordon incessantly teased them for afterward, with how much they gloated at first and then lost miserably to Gordon. Joshua hadn’t used up much stamina, warming up and getting used to the controls again, mashing buttons and flying off the edges of the stage for fun.

Game Two

Winner: Joshua

Benrey and Gordon were focused so much on their banter and own competition that when they got surprise-attacked by Joshua, they didn’t even realize it had been him, or it was way too late and they’d lost a life. It helped that they were being rather loud and Joshie stayed quiet the whole time, not drawing attention to himself.

Game Three

Winner: Gordon

Gordon refocused on the game, determined to beat his opponents, ignoring Benrey’s tacky insults and Joshua’s chanting. He’d had practice with loud surroundings, he could do this, he reassured himself. He  _ may _ use a shitty main, but he’s goddamn good at maining Incineroar and he didn’t plan on backing down any time soon.

Game Four

Winner: Gordon

Benrey had started to get distracting, shoving him with their foot and whatnot. Gordon landed on a higher platform, stopped moving for a moment, and turned to blow into Benrey’s ear, causing them to shriek and clap a hand over it, letting out what could only be described as a verbal keysmash. Gordon took his shot and took Benrey’s last two lives, fighting Joshua rather intensely the rest of the game. 

Game Five

Winner: Benrey

Benrey took his revenge for Gordon’s trick, flopping their legs over across his lap, and leaned against his side and shoulder, jostling and startling the man enough to fall off the map and lose a life, face heating up with a flustered blush. Deciding that effort was enough, Benrey turned to Josh, and started asking him  _ every question possible _ about pirates. Especially ones that were nonsensical enough that Joshie had to pause for bits of time, which gave Benrey multiple huge openings and they didn’t let the golden opportunity go to waste.

Game Six

Winner: Gordon

Gordon, ever the one to not back down, started a lighthearted debate with Joshua about which game they should play afterward, which consisted of Joshua counting upwards from Cowboys 1 and Gordon insisting it’s not a game that has been released yet and he should choose another game. Having sufficiently distracted his son, he used the other tactic he had up his sleeve and sacrificed a life to let go of his controller with his left hand and put that arm around Benrey, who hadn’t moved from their position against his side. The move pulled Benrey closer to Gordon, making it an uncomfortable position for them to hold a controller in, and also causing red to bloom all over their cheeks. 

Game Seven

Winner: Benrey

Of course, as it always is with Gordon and Benrey, they were the exact definition of unstoppable force meets immovable object (though it always changed which one of them was which), so Benrey didn't take that loss lying down. Instead, they snuggled into Gordon’s side more properly, and set their chin on his shoulder, adding a few eyes on the side of their head to focus on the game at the same time. Gordon wasn’t too affected by the change, so Benrey kicked it up a notch, and while Gordon was fixated on a duel with Joshie, they leaned up towards the side of Gordon’s head… and licked a spot below his jaw, eliciting an extremely high-pitched, drawn-out yelp from the recipient. Gordon essentially froze in place, short-circuited, and Benrey took over the duel with Joshua, their fight sending Gordon’s Incineroar off of the map along with Joshie’s Pichu with no retaliation from the shocked man. 

Game Eight

Winner: Benrey

Gordon was still recovering from the stunt Benrey pulled during the last match, he’d been knocked completely off track, and when he’d been prompted to put in his choice for the next map, he’d simply muttered, “What the fuck, dude, gross” in an extremely delayed reaction. So, instead, Benrey started up an argument with Joshua about whether pirates were water cowboys or if cowboys were land pirates. They almost got too carried away by the argument to even win, having brought the match to a Sudden Death round, but pulled through with a puzzling question of “Are aliens just space pirates or maybe space cowboys?” right before swiftly sending Joshua’s Pichu flying off the side of the map.

Game Nine

Winner: Joshua

Joshua started up the debate of aliens being space cowboys or pirates once again, now insisting that aliens couldn’t be either, because they weren’t cool enough to be cowboys  _ or _ pirates. Benrey took personal offense to that (jokingly, of course), and became too preoccupied with defending aliens in their coolness to properly retaliate against Gordon and Joshua’s attacks. Gordon managed to laugh hard enough at Benrey’s sputtering that he accidentally fell off of the map once, setting him back and making it easier for Joshua to defeat him.

Game Ten

Winner: Joshua

Joshua goes all out, whaling on Gordon and Benrey, who were too stubborn to team up, and ended being all over the place. Gordon and Benrey’s pushing and shoving each other didn’t help them either, especially with Joshua rattling off a half-incomprehensible tirade about cats. At one point, Josh, being significantly ahead, hopped off of his spot on the couch and plopped down on Gordon and Benrey’s laps, instead, making them both stop fighting and instead focus on not knocking Joshie over, all while trying to defend themselves from the little tyrant.

Final Champion: Gordon

In the end, Gordon came out with a victory of four games won as opposed to the other two competitors having three games on them each. Joshua, ever the energetic kid, cheered for his dad, while Benrey complained ceaselessly about how unfair Gordon had been, to which they got a response of "You fucking licked me, dude!”, with the only counter they had being “What, you don’t lick your homies good-night? Loser, Gordon Lameman.” 

Too exhausted to find another activity to do from all of the rambunctious gaming, Gordon complied with Joshie and Benrey’s requests to put on How to Train Your Dragon, relaxing back against the sofa with an arm around each of them.

Gordon was content to sit there in silence, watching the movie through to the end despite his tiredness, and when the credits finished rolling and he clicked the screen off, he finally became aware of the fact that the two people in his embrace had fallen asleep, nuzzled against his sides and both breathing deeply and quietly, the most peaceful and calm they’d looked the whole day. His heart panged with an intense familial love, looking at his son, and then at his friend he’d missed so much for the past two years, who had only been back for around a week. 

He smiled, softly, and turned slightly to the right, scooping Joshua into his arms, then stood, slowly, and nudged Benrey back against the couch as to not make them fall over in the absence of Gordon’s support. Carefully, he made his way upstairs and tucked his son into his bed, covering the small form snugly with his blanket and giving him a kiss on the forehead. 

Upon his return downstairs, he found that Benrey had still found a way to collapse down against the couch cushions, lying on their side with their head resting in the crook of their right arm. Huffing out an amused breath, Gordon scooped Benrey up as well, hefting them up against his chest with their head resting on his shoulder. Making the trek back upstairs once more, he nudged the guest room door open, stepping around the cardboard boxes scattered across the room. He found his way over to Benrey’s bed, and set them down carefully, pulling off their beanie to let their hair spill onto the pillow their head lay on. 

The lattermost action was the one that made Benrey stir slightly, the removal of their hat triggering a slight whine of protest as it drew them back to semi-consciousness. Gordon set the hat on their nightstand, ruffling their hair slightly with his left hand, and whispered, “It’s on your nightstand, you’ll have it when you wake up, it’ll be comfier to sleep without it, dude.” All he got in response was a half-hum, half-grunt of acknowledgment, which brought a smile to his face. 

Before his logical side could reawaken and flick on his impulse control, Gordon leaned down and planted a light kiss on Benrey’s forehead, not too dissimilar from the one he had given Joshua. Or rather, it seemed that way at the moment, and before his sleepy mind could overthink it, he shoved it into the box of things not to think about right now, which was growing kind of full, not that he’d admit it to himself. The gesture of affection drew another unintelligible mumble from Benrey, but the alien didn’t open their eyes, and Gordon stepped away quietly, heading for the door on near-silent feet. 

In the doorway, he paused, looking back. After a moment, he smiled, and whispered “Good night, Benrey.” Stepping into the hall, the door clicked shut behind him, and Gordon went through his nightly routine of medicine, brushing his teeth, starting the dishwasher, leaving out food for the cats, and changing into pajamas. Finally in bed, clock not far from striking midnight, he sighed up at the ceiling, exhausted, but happier than he’d been in a bit of time. As his eyes slipped closed and his mind slid away from consciousness, the last thought he managed to comprehend was, “We’ll be okay. Benrey will get better, like I got better, and we’ll all be alright.”

And with that, Gordon Freeman fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woOOOOOOoOOOO wE BEAT THE GAMEEE  
> I am so full of energy yet so tired 90% of the time I have no idea what the fuck im talking about  
> First Hand Experience updating soon hopefully too! hope you guys liked this :)  
> honestly i have no idea what im fucking doing bc this chapter is long as hell, the next fha chapter is long as hell, half of the time i dont know if im in my writing mindset so i dont write bc i can't think, and when i do have a writing day it's a roulette wheel of which thing will sun work on will it be their actual fics ppl read or will it be yet another new thing (￣﹏￣；)
> 
> Half-Life 2 Leech looks like it's making a pog face. I'm right, look it up. <3 bye!

**Author's Note:**

> So! Did you like that? I hope you liked that!! 
> 
> I'm more of an artist than a writer, actually, so check out my tumblr (sun-needs-sleep) and my Instagram (mocha.sun), there's mainly art posts there, though. I'm also bad at being consistently active so it's a hit or miss scenario. 
> 
> Have a good day, thank you for reading!!!!!


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